I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
