Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
