i permit you to call me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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