is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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