she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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