I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
