I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he thought i was a dude.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
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I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend