Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
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I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals