Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"