hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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