I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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