Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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