Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was