Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.