you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh