Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.