I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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