I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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