apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Farmville is her only friend.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
