Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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