There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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