I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
