you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
