Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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