Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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