we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
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