My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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