Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
