His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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