please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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