Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
