Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
