The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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