around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize