piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
