making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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