my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
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being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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