Can i not drive my cunt home
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
