8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
