Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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