I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
is wine microwaveable?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
