a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
