Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
