i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
