if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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