this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
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It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
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My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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