We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
