Who did Billy Mays play for?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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