Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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