I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
should my penis look like a turkey
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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