I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I currently don't understand fingers.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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