that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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