Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm gonna fight the coyote
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
