its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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