that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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