where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
